I have no excuse – but I seem to make a million to avoid writing and posting on this blog. I put it up to help me write more often – to be compelled to write. Well, we see how well that is going. So, I’m making a commitment to my silly self to write at least twice a week – and it won’t have to be a lot but it better be something.
I have disappointed myself plenty making commitments to myself that I don’t keep. This one should be easier. Let’s see how it plays out.
When you’re raising kids it is often challenging, heart attack inducing, and filled with lots of laughter. What I remember vividly is the blur of everyday – running to hockey practices, trying to oversee studying for school, planning meals for two boys by the pound – it was truly exhausting. In a weird way I really enjoyed it – the numbing pattern of our lives. It was like being a satellite revolving around the planet that was my children, providing sun, warmth and an occasional lightning bolt of corrective action.
Through the entire process we reassess what our expectations will be for their future, and somewhere along the line we realize we want them happy, fulfilled, and creative. We want them to find someone to love, and who treats them well. We want them to be kind, and to be certain they love animals and old people. We always want their lives to be easier then ours, but we know they won’t listen to our counsel.
Well my boys are everything I ever hoped as a mother. They are smart and kind, and often fearless. They know how to have fun – on a vacation or in a backyard pool. They don’t need a lot of stuff to be happy, but they need people to feel fulfilled. They have a strong sense of dedication to their work, their beliefs, and the people they love. The two boys are very different, but each has a super power to guide their life’s decisions. One is too trusting, one not trusting at all – and oddly it allows them to move more safely through the world. One is introverted and one extroverted, but they understand each other in a way that transcends language – and they are actual better men for having each other in their lives. They have picked women who compliment them and all their quirks – and I happen to love them both. One has now made me a grandmother, and wow – it’s beyond explanation.
Thanks to my sons for making my Mother’s Day so special today. I know I was never perfect – but my love for you always has been absolutely perfect.
I have a new affliction – full blown insomnia. Definitely not something I’ve ever had to deal with on a day to day basis. There is this overwhelming feeling that I missed something – a deadlines, a bus, a secret. It’s like my mind won’t let me rest. Even if I try to sleep there is a weirdness to my dreams – an oddly wakeful control I can exert within the dream. It carries over into the daylight – this strange power. I like the way it feels, but it is strangely frightening.
I will continue to post here, but I think it’s time to write more than this blog.
It’s been interesting to deal with someone with a chronic illness, because that’s when you really discover the strength and ability of your doctor. When I was growing up, I would rarely challenge a teacher. I assumed they had all the right answers – they were in charge of our classroom for a reason – right? Well the relationship we have with doctors is even more one-sided. If you’ve ever tried challenging a doctor over a diagnosis, over a test result, or even asked for a second opinion, you know that it is perceived as a personal attack by many well-meaning, talented doctors. Obviously there is a big part of medical education that is missing – something that goes far beyond bedside manner and caring concern. There is a bravado tied to the profession, and it’s harming patients.
What’s odd is that I would never assume that my idea is the only idea, that my assessment of the situation is always 100% right, or that everyone else involved with the decision doesn’t have an equally valid view. However, many doctors seem uncomfortable when you challenge them and frequently resort to defending their ideas with a simple, “Because I said so”. The patient becomes nothing more than a chastised child. The care you get from doctors depends on so many factors that have nothing at all to do with their training as medical wizards. Can you talk to them, but more importantly are they really listening to you? Can they think outside the illness “box”? Can they empathize, even a little, with the pain, fear and concerns about their patient?
Medicine is an art, based on a science. The care you get is really more dependent on the talent of your physician as an “artist” of medicine, then on the technical expertise they gained in school, but it is also dependent on their ability as a human. Their ability to mix empathy with an inquisitive nature will often make them among the best in their field.
So, where’s your “blind spot”? We all have them. We all probably ignore them, especially when we need to use that common sense the most.
This blog will try to look at issues from all sides, to share universal truths – if there really is one, and to ponder greater questions about our world.